"To be, or not to be; that is the bare bodkin, that makes calamity of so long life."

- The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn; 1885




Showing posts with label Missing you.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Missing you.. Show all posts

Friday, May 20, 2011

That Summer of Her Dreams.

She kicked off the dusty ground with her feet - where the grass had depleted because of repeatedly being struck against - to launch her make-shift swing in the air. She clasped the rugged rope that fastened the swing to the mango tree with her tiny hands, stretched her little legs together and bent her body backwards to streamline it, in an attempt to make the swing gain momentum.


As she descended, the pit of her stomach sunk and a surge of thrill ran through her chest down her spine. She let the zephyr stroke her soft, fine tresses - pushing the stray strands on her forehead off her face. She observed the ground closing in. Her immediate ascension, just when she speedily approached it, made her body lean ahead and her legs to curl back. As she reached the highest she shut her eyes, and allowed the stray rays of the sun streaming through the fissures of the shady branches fall on her freckled face. A beatific smile spread across her countenance. If she could only open her arms and fly like a bird just then!


She swung back again causing the wind to usher the hair over her face again, as her heart filled with ecstasy and the orchard with her guileless chortle. She breathed in the still, summer air, heavy with the sweet smell of ripe mangoes. In her next ascent she would aim at swinging higher, to try and pluck that bright red and yellow one dangling from one of the lower branches. She could hear her mother's distant voice calling out to her: "Anu...Anuradha...not so high. Come down now, it is time to eat."


But mother's voice was drowned by the loud screech with which the early morning bus came to a halt before the pavement on which she slept. It emitted odious black fumes all over her and made her wake up.


Rude awakening to reality was something she had become used to. There had been worse days. Once a mutt had pissed all over her feet while she was asleep under a flyover. Another time when she had managed to sneak into the swanky metro station to get a good nights' sleep, she had been hit and chased away by a potbellied policeman, who seemed to be devoted to serving his country by keeping her parks and public places clean of her hapless and destitute citizens.


She scratched her tacky, brown hair which had tangled itself in knots with her dirt filled nails. Then, she rubbed her dirt-filled eyes which stuck to each other with her small blackened hands, before she sat up and looked at the bored, sleepy faces peeping through the sealed, misty windows of the air conditioned bus.


The mango orchard of her memories appeared in her dreams often. The girl had been her own age and had a classic name - Anuradha - so much more important sounding than what she was called - Guddi. She had come from Dilli, to spend her vacations at her ancestral home in her village. How Guddi had longingly looked at Anuradha's soft, shiny hair and her Minnie-Mouse shoes, when she had accompanied her mother to their house where her mother cooked and cleaned for wages. How she had longed to be Anuradha and often was, in her dreams.


She had been told that they were both five years old that summer. The following autumn she had run away from home, scared that her mother's man would beat her to death in his state of inebriation after her mother had died of a pernicious disease. It is easy to lose the concept of time, when living on the streets. In the coming autumn, it will be two years since she ran away from her village and came to Dilli. She knew it by keeping track of seasons.


That summer with Anuradha had been the best days of her life. The beautiful city girl had had no qualms in befriending her. She had allowed her to take her turn at the swing. She had told her fascinating stories from her little book of fables - stories of lovely princesses and charming princes; stories of adventures embarked upon by brave travelers. And she had let her eat that divine-tasting fruit freshly plucked from the sprawling tree. Guddi remembered feeling its sweet, squishy pulp squirt into her mouth filling it with its savor and making her smack her lips in delight.


She liked the streets mostly - she was free here, and most days she managed atleast one small meal. But sometimes she missed her mother and sometimes her thoughts returned to that summer of her dreams.


But she quickly cast these thoughts aside. It was a new day. There were things to be done - rags to be picked; palms to be stretched out for alms; food to be foraged for, among the garbage disposed away from the restaurants.


She wondered though, what it was that the bade log - the "big people" - the rich people, dreamed about.






Thursday, September 30, 2010

How to Eat a Wolf.

[This poem, ‘How to Eat a Wolf’ is from Sharanya Manivannan’s book of poems "Witchcraft" (Bullfighter Books). It has been reproduced here with the permission of the author. I am an avid reader of Sharanya's blog and look forward to her "Venus Flytrap" posts.

Where most young writers these days focus on the contemporary style of writing, Sharanya is lyrical, without sounding archaic. She has just the right word for what she wants to say and I love it when words just fit! In my opinion, she is one of the most promising upcoming young writers. You can visit her blog here and her website here. Being a spoken word artist too, you may listen to her reciting some of her other poems here.

This poem struck a chord with me. I have read and re-read it several times. Especially the last few lines. I wanted to share this. Hope you like it too.]

Does all lust start
and end like this?
Don’t get me wrong.
I loved my wolf.
I held him tethered
like a pussycat. I nursed
the rumble in his belly
with hands gentle as a burglar’s.
He lived on milk and blood and ocean.
He had violets for his furs.

It’s just that he was
beginning to devour me.
He nuzzled me with claws,
fondled me with fangs sharp as yearning
He snaked a tongue so hungry in its kiss
it turned my body to salt.

How do you douse
a dervish swirl? I asked.
Devour it, you said.

So I fantasised
about eating his balls,
rolling them in semolina seeds
and roasting them golden.
I got blooddrunk
on the thought of the
crisp tender cartilage of his ear,
left to simmer in tequila and cilantro.
The dry teats turned
sweet when baked with cinnamon
applesauce, or drizzled with chocolate.
The tangy musk of austerely steamed eyelid.

I set traps.
Mine is the deepest void,
the deepest void you’ll ever know.
And so I lured him to a well.
A wolf can drown in its own
wetness. But mine swam
and lapped and doggypaddled
until I waded back in to get him.


Mine is the darkest smoulder,
the darkest smoulder you’ll ever know.
And so I conspired to let him burn.
A wolf can poach in its own juices.
But mine danced on coals and leapt
ablaze, until I pussyfooted back in to get him.

I became desperate.
I preached to my wolf
about suicide, proselytized
about reincarnation. Come back
as a sleepy kitten, I said.
Come back as a hibernating bear.
Come back as a snail
with a flag trail of surrender.
But my love was indefatigable.
It was volcano and oceanic tremor. It was
a black lace bra and
too much jazz at 3 a.m.
My love was as big as betrayal.
I pleaded and pleaded until

you finally looked up and said,

You can only kill a wolf
you don’t want to have,

and only then did I see that

your love
was exactly
the size of two fists.